Improving Self-Esteem: A Guide to Build a Good Inner Self

By Health First Assist Last updated Mar 24, 2024

a young lady improving self-esteem — attractive a Colombian student

Self-esteem is defined as our opinion of ourselves and how we value our self-worth. Having healthy self-esteem is important for psychological well-being, motivation, resilience, and achieving personal goals. However, many people struggle with low self-esteem rooted in childhood experiences, trauma, or distorted self-perceptions. The good news is that improving self-esteem is possible through conscious effort.

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As a psychologist who helps patients improve their self-image, I’ve found that a multi-pronged approach focused on countering negative self-talk, adopting empowering habits, and pursuing meaningful growth experiences can transform self-esteem over time. Here is an overview of impactful strategies for enhancing deficient or fragile self-esteem.

Self-esteem is a relationship with yourself. Improving it requires undoing negative self-talk and cultivating compassion for yourself.

— Louise Hay, an author

Understanding the Roots of Low Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem often develops in childhood or adolescence rooted in:

Harsh criticism or lack of nurturing – Being raised in a highly critical or emotionally neglectful environment damages self-worth. The absence of unconditional positive regard hinders self-acceptance.
Trauma or abuse – Degrading mistreatments like bullying, emotional abuse or domestic violence shreds self-confidence. Surviving trauma warps identity and self-perception.
Negative social comparisons – Viewing oneself as inferior to peers or cultural beauty ideals breeds insecurity and fixating on others’ accomplishments rather than intrinsic value diminishes self-appreciation.
Perfectionism – Holding oneself to unrealistic standards inevitably results in feeling flawed when perfection isn’t attained. This distorts self-assessment.
Imposter syndrome – Feeling like an intellectual or professional fraud despite evidence of competence perpetuates feelings of inadequacy.

Pinpointing the experiences or irrational beliefs negatively impacting your self-image helps guide the repair process.

Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.

— Golda Meir

Cultivating a Compassionate Inner Voice on Improving Self-Esteem

One powerful strategy for improving self-esteem is minimizing the harsh inner critic and cultivating a more compassionate inner voice. Techniques for doing so include:

Identify automatic negative thoughts – Become aware of the destructive self-talk perpetuating feelings of inadequacy (e.g. “I’m such a loser”, “I’m ugly”, “I have nothing to offer”).
Challenge distortions with facts – Draw on objective evidence to dispute irrational or over-generalized negative thoughts. Ask yourself, “Is this absolutely true all the time or an exaggeration?”
Replace negative self-talk with positive affirmations – Let go of perfectionism, comparison, and self-blame. Make daily affirmations to counter old scripts. “I am enough. I have value in being me.”
Write a compassionate letter to yourself – Write a letter expressing understanding for past pain and providing encouragement as if from a trusted, unconditionally loving friend.
Reduce social media use – Endless social media scrolling leads to negative social comparisons lowering self-worth. Limit usage of apps eliciting envy.
Practice self-compassion – Treat yourself kindly, like you would a good friend. Self-compassion builds confidence in your value.

To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.

— Thich Nhat Hanh

Adopt Empowering Habits on Improving Self-Esteem

Certain lifestyle habits and daily practices can profoundly shape self-esteem:

Help others – Volunteering, community service, and acts of kindness boost confidence in your capacities and character.
Pursue meaningful goals – Setting and achieving growth-oriented goals builds self-efficacy and pride.
Engage in creative expression – Express yourself through arts, music, dance, poetry, and journaling. Creativity enhances self-understanding.
Move your body – Regular exercise, sports, and movement improve body image and mood.
Practice gratitude – Keep a gratitude journal or list daily things you appreciate about yourself. This self-esteem shifts perspective.
Take good care of yourself – Prioritizing sleep, healthy food, hygiene/grooming and preventative care improves self-worth.
Learn new skills – Study, read widely, take classes. Intellectual growth expands identity and pride in abilities.
Dress to express your unique style – Take pride in your appearance by wearing clothes reflecting your personality.
Spend time in nature – Being in natural environments enhances mood, mindfulness, and life perspective.

Small actions to care for and express yourself add up to improved self-regard and confidence.

Wanting to be someone else is a waste of who you are.

— Kurt Cobain

Seek Meaningful Interpersonal Connections

Because early relationships often shape self-perception, healing connections has benefits for improving self-esteem.

Connect with nurturing friends/relatives – Spend time with people who appreciate and validate the real you.
Join supportive communities – Group activities centered on hobbies, values or culture foster belonging.
Consider counseling – Therapy provides perspective on past experiences and patterns undermining self-worth. A counselor’s unconditional positive regard builds self-acceptance. Counseling also targets social anxiety and poor self-image stemming from distorting thoughts.
Practice assertiveness – Build confidence by appropriately expressing your needs, opinions, and boundaries rather than minimizing yourself. Say no to situations that compromise values.
Heal from past pain – Trauma, abuse, and childhood neglect require processing to avoid haunting self-esteem. Counseling, support groups, and journaling facilitate healing.

Surrounding yourself with people who appreciate you for you positively transforms your self-narrative.

The better you feel about yourself, the less you feel the need to show off.

— Robert Hand, author

Develop Your Unique Potential

Discovering rewarding ways to grow, contribute and expand your horizons in improving self-esteem and builds self-confidence and identity. Consider these pathways aligned with your passions:

Take a class – Develop skills that speak to your natural talents and interests. Dance, martial arts and improv build self-assurance.
Find your purpose – Volunteering, activism, and helping professions centered on causes you care about contribute to self-worth.
Travel – Exploring new environments and cultures expands perspective and cultivates independence.
Set a fitness goal – Train for a 5K, learn to swim, and take a physically challenging trek. Meeting fitness goals boost self-efficacy.
Assume leadership opportunities – Step into supervisory, coaching, or mentorship roles drawing on your wisdom. Teaching builds confidence and esteem.

When you have opportunities to demonstrate competence in meaningful domains, self-belief grows. Discover creative ways to expand your abilities and make a difference.

Key Takeaways on Improving Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem often stems from childhood experiences of inadequacy, excessive criticism, trauma, or distorted self-perceptions like perfectionism.
Challenging negative self-talk, speaking to yourself compassionately, and limiting social media use can quiet your inner critic.
Helping others, fostering creativity, exercising, learning new skills, and dressing authentically build confidence through self-expression and actualization of talents.
Supportive relationships provide a reflection of strengths and worth. Counseling heals emotional wounds undermining self-esteem.
Discovering purpose through meaningful work, fitness goals, travel, leadership, and community cultivates identity and self-efficacy.
With concerted effort across these dimensions, self-esteem dramatically improves. Notice progress and celebrate small wins.